Guest Post Stop 7: Vampiric Behavior
By Jess Haines
Hello there! Jess Haines here. I’m the author of the urban fantasy H&W Investigations series (HUNTED BY THE OTHERS [link: http://www.kensingtonbooks.com/finditem.cfm?itemid=16761], TAKEN BY THE OTHERS [link: http://www.kensingtonbooks.com/finditem.cfm?itemid=18148], DECEIVED BY THE OTHERS [link: http://www.kensingtonbooks.com/finditem.cfm?itemid=19226], and the upcoming STALKING THE OTHERS [link: http://www.kensingtonbooks.com/finditem.cfm?itemid=20725]).
Shiarra has been having a pretty bad time of things lately. She’s here with some of her friends (and otherwise) to tell you about it. Royce is going to dispel some common mistaken beliefs about vampiric behavior. Over to you, Shia!
Shiarra: This is an awful topic. Do we really need to discuss this right now?
Sara: I’m going to have a word with your PR person when this is over.
Chaz: She has a PR person?
Arnold: Sounds all fancy-like.
Royce: I believe she was joking. They have no need for those services. Not anymore.
Shiarra: What the heck is that supposed to mean?
Royce: Considering you are now wanted by the police in connection to a series of murders, and you have been on the run, I doubt you’ll have a business to return to once things settle down.
Arnold: Way to be tactful, man.
Chaz: He’s not a man. You shouldn’t expect anything better from a monster like that.
Sara: Pot, meet kettle.
Chaz: Oh, come on. I’m more human than he is.
Royce: Says the man who turns into a dog three days out of every month.
Arnold: I’m not sure if you’re allowed to complain. Aren’t you on a solids-free diet?
Sara: Oh, hey. That can be our first “real” question. Vampires only drink blood, right?
Royce: We only get sustenance from blood. We can eat or drink what you would consider normal food when we have need of blending in, but we do not derive either pleasure or nourishment from it.
Shiarra: You don’t sound very enthusiastic about it.
Royce: I’m not. While some of us make an effort to practice eating to extend the length of time we can hold it down, we must purge it later.
Arnold: Purge by barfing, or purge by doing something else?
Sara: Um. Honey?
Shiarra: Seriously gross. We don’t want to know.
Arnold: Oh, come on! This is science, people!
Chaz: I’m with the girls. I don’t want to know.
Royce: Yes, yes, I know. Enough with that talk. Let’s move on to something a little more appropriate.
Shiarra: Okay, I got one. Why do vampires always make that stupid hissing noise in the movies?
Sara: You mean when they open their mouth unnecessarily wide and act like chain-smoking asthmatics? Or a pervy prank caller?
Shiarra: Yes! That.
Chaz: That’s a thing?
Arnold: I’ve seen it.
Royce: I’m… not quite sure how to respond to that.
Shiarra: Why would you do that?
Royce: I don’t. That’s idiotic.
Arnold: Tell me about it. You should see all the movies where they do that to show off the fake fangs or corn syrup-smeared mouths.
Sara: Corn syrup?
Arnold: Yeah, they use it in the movies for fake blood.
Chaz: I guess that’s better than having paint smeared on your face.
Shiarra: Or ketchup.
Royce: That’s ridiculous.
Shiarra: What about your eating habits? Why are vampires always such messy eaters in the movies? You always seem to get more blood on your face and clothes and dribbling out all over the place than in your mouth.
Royce: Madam, you must be referring to someone else. I am not a messy eater.
Sara: So… is that like… bad table manners for vampires?
Royce: What the—why can’t you people ask the normal questions? Why don’t you ask me something like whether I have hypnotic powers, if I sleep during the day, or if I have an aversion to garlic and crosses?
Arnold: Lame. They’re overdone.
Sara: We want to know why you do crap like hang off of ceilings like some whacked-out, hissy version of Spider-Man.
Royce: What? Who on Earth told you we do that?
Chaz: The movies.
Royce: You people need to stop believing what you see in films. Hollywood is not a valid source of information about my kind.
Chaz: Come to think of it, mine either.
Arnold: You should have seen how they messed up the Dresden Files TV show. Magi are nothing like that. Plus, they totally ganked the story.
Sara: Honey, not everyone speaks your language.
Shiarra: We get the drift.
Royce: Enough. We’re done here.
You can learn more about Shiarra and the rest of her friends in HUNTED BY THE OTHERS (link: http://www.kensingtonbooks.com/finditem.cfm?itemid=16761). For the next stop on the blog tour, be sure to visit the official STALKING THE OTHERS blog tour calendar (link: http://jesshaines.com/blog/2012/05/07/stalking-the-others-official-blog-tour-calendar)!
You can also visit me on the web:
Thanks again for having me and the gang over, Natasha!
The pleasure was all mine Jess! This was such a fun guest post!
As for the giveaway, if you want a change to win 1 of 15 Stalking the Others books that Jess is giving away, fill out the Rafflecopter form below! And don't forget to comment:)
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